Homeschooling: Our Sixth Year 2012-2013

Big Kids (ages 10 & 8)

Preschoolers (ages 3 & an almost 2 year old who joins us when she wants to)

Big Kids:

Heart of Dakota Preparing Hearts for His Glory (www.heartofdakota.com)

Math U See (Delta & Gamma Levels) (www.mathusee.com)

Rod and Staff English (Level 3 & 4) (www.rodstaff.com)

Ignite Your Writing (for my 5th grader only)

Preschoolers:

Heart of Dakota Little Hands To Heaven (www.heartofdakota.com)

Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons

 (http://www.amazon.com/Teach-Your-Child-Read-Lessons/dp/0671631985)

Handwriting Without Tears - Kinder (www.hwtears.com)

Also teaching them the calendar (days, months, seasons, weather), pledge to the American & Christian flags and the Bible, Star Spangled Banner, counting by 10's, scripture memory, books of the Bible

A Note From Elizabeth

This is my sixth year of homeschooling my children. Thankfully, I got to start with one child at a time and over the years have realized that we learn best using the Charlotte Mason theories and style of learning/teaching.  You can read more about "The Gentle Art of Learning" in Karen Andreola's book, "Charlotte Mason Companion", which includes her ideas about living books, narration, appreciating great art, classical music & poetry, notebooking, habit forming, & hero admiration. 

I will be forever grateful that God brought Heart of Dakota (HOD) curriculum into my life. I was ready to throw in the towel after my 4th child was born and prayed for help. Through prayer, a new friend who let me get my hands on her HOD curriculum and studying more about Charlotte Mason, I realized that I could keep on homeschooling and still keep my sanity. HOD is a true "open and go" type of curriculum that we all love.

Practical Ways to Show Love to Your Children

What are the first things that come to your mind when you think about the question, “How can I SHOW love to my children?”.  Many moms quickly tell me, “hugging, kissing, holding,  telling them we love them, making sure you’re showing love in their “language”.” These are all correct answers. But, I encourage you to take it a step further and think about how you can show unconditional love to your children every day, INTENTIONALLY.  Read on :)

Most of what I’m sharing in this post is from Ross Campbell’s book, “How To Really Love Your Child.” ( He also has a book titled, “How To Really Love Your Teen”.)

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

First, let’s go straight to the LOVE CHAPTER of the Bible, I Corinthians 13 and read verses 4-7. I am reading from The Living Bible translation but you’ll find the NIV translation on the resource list located at the end of this post as well.

“Love is patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him” (I Cor. 13:4-7, TLB).

This verse describes the solid foundation of all love relationships, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  In regards to our children, Unconditional love says that we love our children no matter what they do, say, or look like and NO matter what we expect them to be or how we expect them to act. This does not mean we always like our child’s behavior but that we love the child even when at times we detest their behavior.

Showing Unconditional love helps our children to not experience feelings of resentment, or being unloved,. Feeling guilty, fearful, or insecure.

EMOTIONAL TANK

According to Ross Campbell, every child has an Emotional Tank. When a child’s emotional needs are met it determines their feelings like whether a child is content or angry, depressed or joyful.

It also affects behavior: whether a child is obedient or disobedient, whiny or perky, playful or withdrawn.

The fuller their emotional tank, the more positive the feelings and the better the behavior.

And, only if this emotional tank is full can a child be expected to feel and act at his or her best or do his or her best, be happy, reach their potential, and respond appropriately to discipline.

How do we know our child’s Emotional Tank level?

Well, their behavior indicates the status of their tank.

When I notice a day or several days when one of my children is extra whiny or clingy or disobedient, I take a step back from the situation and evaluate how much I’ve invested in their Emotional Tank.  If Daddy hasn’t been home or when he has been home but hasn’t had the opportunity to fill their tanks, I notice a decline in behavior. When, I’ve been with them all day but didn’t take the time to make Emotional Tank deposits, I’ll see a direct correlation to their behavior which will be negative.

And, guess who is responsible to keep that emotional tank full? You guessed it. It’s ours, the parent’s job.

Sounds like a HUGE responsibility, doesn’t it?  Well, we aren’t expected to go at it alone. God tells us in Philippians 4:19, “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”  God can and wants to help you meet the emotional needs of your children. He wants to help you show unconditional love and fill their emotional tank every day.

Every child wants to know from their parents, “Do you love me?” A child asks this question mostly through their behavior and rarely through verbal communication. Because a child asks this question with behavior, we usually give this answer by our behavior, by WHAT we do, our ACTIONS.

I will share with you what ACTIONS we can take to show unconditional love to our children and keep their emotional tanks full. 

I John 3:18 says it best, “…let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in truth.”

The five ACTIONS we can do to show love are through Prayer, Eye Contact, Physical Contact,  Focused Attention and Discipline.

PRAYER

First, through prayer. I know I don’t do this enough.  But, we need to pray for our children every chance we get and for ourselves to have wisdom and discernment as their parent.

God tells us in James  3:5, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

How do we ask for wisdom? Through prayer.  You might be wondering, “Where do I find the time?” and “What exactly should I be praying for?”

Well, I have three tools that I use on a regular basis.  Maybe they can be a springboard for your prayer life as they have been for mine.

First, The Busy Mom’s Guide to Prayer by Lisa Whelchel. She includes Scripture based prayers for yourself, your husband, your children, your government and church leaders.

Another tool I use is Stormie Omartian’s book The Power of A Praying Parent. Whatever I am dealing with concerning one or more of the kids, I look for that topic in the index. Each chapter has a short personal story from her life and a Scripture based prayer that you plug your child’s name into, along with a handful of verses you can memorize or jot down to keep as a quick reminder through the day of what to be praying.  

The third tool I use is this Lifting Your Child Through Prayer card. It fits perfectly in my Bible, where I keep it, and I have one for my husband as well.  I can refer to it for specific topics, look up the passages myself and pray those scriptures over my children.  You can order them from Family Life Publishing or Campus Crusade.

Now that you have some tools to get you started on praying for you children. Let’s move on the second ACTION we can take to show unconditional love and fill their Emotional Tank, Eye Contact.

EYE CONTACT

Eye contact is looking directly into the eyes of another person.  We should not use eye contact primarily to give instructions, reprimanding, disciplining, to show annoyances, or for criticizing.

Instead eye contact should be used mainly in a pleasant way, with pleasant words and a smile.  Eye contact should be continuous, loving, and positive. This sounds easy, almost too simple. But, what I’ve realized about myself is that if I’m not careful and aware of how I’m using my eyes, I tend to use them more in a negative way than a pleasant, positive way. 

Some moms in particular have a bad habit of purposefully withholding eye contact as a form of discipline.  Whether we do this consciously or not, be careful to not do it. It’s cruel and can be something your child may never forget but then continue doing in their relationships with others throughout their lives.  A child will remember the feeling of coldness from a mother who is  avoiding  making eye contact. I think it’s one of the ways a parent-child relationship can be broken down, even before adolescence, which is a time when children need, enjoy and benefit from a close relationship with their mothers (and fathers too).

Also, make eye contact when your child is talking to you. Give them that concentrated attention. This is not easy during the day to day goings on in our lives. But, be intentional about stopping what you’re doing and taking that 1-2 minutes to actively listen to what your child is telling or showing you.  We’ll talk more about this with our Focused Attention Action Step in a moment.

Try to remember to use Eye contact as a continuous love giving route and not merely as a means of discipline.  Take the opportunity to fill their Emotional Tank with your pleasant eyes!

PHYSICAL CONTACT

The third action we can take to show love to our children is through physical contact.  This seems to be the most obvious way to convey love to our children and may have been what first popped into your head when you heard our topic for this session.

But, I know in my busy house, some days go by in such a blur that I only touch my children when necessity demands it, when dressing them, helping them into the car, etc… 

I challenge you to not let necessity demand it but to be intentional about physical contact by taking that out of the blue opportunity to touch your child.

This is more than hugging and kissing. This is about the simple things like touching your child on the shoulder as you pass them in the hallway, gently poking them in their ribs or tousling their hair when you’re next to them. Lay your hand on their arm when talking or passing by them. Put your arm around their shoulder or lovingly pat their knee or back. Pull the child toward you when you’re talking or next to each other. BE INTENTIONAL, do it on purpose, take the opportunity!  Keep this on your radar throughout the day and DO IT.

Children never outgrow their need for physical contact., even our boys. It’s easy to give affection to baby boys and toddlers. Although our boys outgrow that baby/toddler need of hugging and kissing affection, they do not outgrow their need for physical contact like playful wrestling, backslapping, playful hitting or boxing, bear hugs and high fives.   

Girls on the other hand, need MORE affection as they enter adolescence. One problem in our society is that as a girl grows older, a father feel increasingly uncomfortable or awkward about giving his daughter the affection she needs, especially once she’s around 10 or 11, entering that pre-adolescence stage.  But, fathers need to ignore the discomfort or awkwardness  and give their daughters what they need.  When she is getting eye contact and physical contact, she will be more prone to open her heart to you, as her father or her mother, which in my house, most often happens at night before bed.

A rule of thumb I have for myself when any of my children are irritating me or frustrating me by their behavior  and I want to send them to their room, away from me is when I need reach out, and pull them into a hug. I don’t feel like doing it. I don’t want to do it. But, it seems that in those moments of deepest irritation and frustration is when a hug is needed the most.  This doesn’t mean I overlook their behavior. This means I choose to show them that I love them unconditionally and take the chance to fill their Emotional Tank and also diffuse an intense moment.

Be intentional about praying, giving eye contact AND physical contact daily. Fill your child’s Emotional Tank!

The fourth ACTION we can take is through Focused Attention.

FOCUSED ATTENTION

This takes real sacrifice because it takes TIME and sometimes a lot of it. It may mean giving up something we would rather do or it might be needed when we least feel like giving it.

Focused Attention is giving our child full, undivided attention. So much so, that they without a doubt feel completely loved.  They feel valuable enough to have mommy or daddy all to themselves. Focused Attention makes our child feel like the most important person in the world to us. 

Because giving focused attention takes TIME, and we are all so busy, there’s only one way to make sure it happens and it’s not easy or simple. We do this by determining our priorities and prioritizing our time.

In our family, it’s God first, spouse second, and children third. Everything else in life gets worked in around those main priorities.  Whatever I say “yes” to means that I’m saying “no” to something else. For example, something I would REALLY like to do and I think would benefit me is that I’d like to come to morning Bible study every week.  However, because I homeschool and that’s a priority for our family, I have to make the difficult choice to say “yes” to school and being with the kids and “no” to morning Bible study.  Or, another example, recently, I was about to start dinner when a discipline issue came up with one of my children. I wanted to just send them to their room so I could continue with my plans and deal with them later. But,  I knew I needed to sit down and talk to them. Taking the time to give Focused Attention even though it interfered with MY plans.  I don’t always make the right choice, but in this case I did. I put dinner on hold and spent my time where it was needed most, discipleing, and training my child through focused attention..  Yes, dinner was a little late, babies were fussier because they were hungry, but I made a big investment in my child’s Emotional Tank that afternoon. A sacrifice of time well spent.

 

FOCUSED ATTENTION PLANNED IDEAS

Here are some ideas that we use or that have been suggested to help find time to be alone with EACH child. Free from other distractions.

. Use them directly or tweak them to work for you…

 *Set aside a half hour each Sunday afternoon to spend with one child at a time.

*Each day one of the big kids is responsible for helping me with making dinner. I’ve been surprised at how often we end up having great conversation as we work alongside each other. This could be done with other chores inside and out.

*If one child is invited to a party, spend time with the other child that didn’t go.  I know when I’m left alone with only one child I tend to want to do my own thing or get caught up on chores.  But, I need to remember to stop and show Focused Attention when I can.

*My husband will take a child with him to run errands on a Saturday morning or to gas up the car.

*I will sometimes play a game or read a book with just one of the Big kids before bed. Many times this is only 10 or fifteen minutes, or however one game of Uno lasts.

*Get one child up earlier in the morning than the others and cuddle, talk, eat an early breakfast together,  or read.

*We just started taking our kids on trips alone this year.  This doesn’t have to be a big trip, But, going for a hike, to the mall, for a walk, to the beach, to a playground for a few hours or overnight is so special.

*Some parents write it in the calendar as a date or an appointment and then schedule life around it…that’s really making it a priority. My daughter and I are planning a night getaway and we’ve had the best time talking about what we’re going to do together and where to go.  We’re just getting a room in Rota for one night and doing all the things she enjoys. This is a date I will have on the calendar that nothing will interfere with.

Hopefully, this gives you some idea of how to carve out time for each of your children one on one.  After my husband and I spend these chunks of time with our kids, we notice an immediate difference in how they respond to our correction and discipline. They are softer towards us.  So, trust me, the sacrifice of time will pay off as you see positive results!

DISCIPLINE

The fifth and final ACTION we can take to show love to our children is through discipline.  This is a topic all in itself, so I’m going to be brief. In a nutshell, discipline is NOT only punishment. Discipline is about training, discipleing, correcting and protecting our children. There are MANY books about this topic and many theories on how it should be done. 

The only point I want to make about discipline is to consider it in relation to unconditional love.  Discipline is much easier when the child feels genuinely loved and accepted. Then, our children are able to accept parental guidance without hostility, anger, and resentment.  However, the less full our child’s emotional tank, the less the child will positively respond to discipline.

On your resource list, you’ll find books about discipline that I have found helpful and doable for our family.  I encourage you to read them and find out how to best and lovingly use discipline to point your child toward God. 

Also, if you notice families with well behaved, well adjusted children, ask the parents what they do and how they do it.  Over the years I have received MUCH parenting advice and information from watching other mothers and asking direct questions about how and why they do what they to get the results I see in their children and families.  Good parenting does not just happen. Well behaved, godly kids don’t just evolve from parents walking passively through life. They happen because a parent is intentional about loving unconditionally through prayer, eye contact, physical contact, focused attention, and discipline.

Practical Ways to Show Love to Your Children

Resource List

The Bible

“Love is patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him” (I Cor. 13:4-7, TLB).

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,  always perseveres” (I Cor. 13:4-7, NIV).

LOVE:

How To Really Love Your Child by D. Ross Campbell

                  Unconditional Love

                  Eye Contact

                  Physical Contact

                  Focused Attention

                  Discipline (training a child in MIND and CHARACTER)

Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp

The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

PRAYER:

The Busy Mom’s Guide to Prayer by Lisa Whelchel

The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian

DISCIPLINE:

Heartfelt Discipline, The Gentle Art of TRAINING and GUIDING your Child

by Clay Clarkson

Childwise, Parenting Your 3-7 Year Old by Gary Ezzo (He has an entire series of books for every age your child goes through until adulthood.)

Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel

Boundaries with Kids by Henry Cloud & John Townsend

MOTHERHOOD:

Ministry Of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson

Miscarriage, Mercy, and Rescue

Every time I find out that one of my friends or friend of a friend has miscarried, my heart breaks. Here's my story.  I shared this with our Rota, Spain MOPS group in April 2012 and am copying it straight from my notes to this blog post.

My name is Elizabeth and I am living my dream. I get to mother my children full time and as many of you know, I have 4 of them. Abigail, Adam, Ada, and Annalise ages 10, 7, 2, & 1. What you may not know is that I have actually been pregnant 7 times and have experienced three miscarriages.  In order, they go, miscarriage, Abigail, Adam, two more miscarriages, then nearly 5 years later, Ada and Annalise. 

Although each miscarriage was difficult, I grieved most for this last one because I was just over 10 weeks along when I found out I had miscarried. I had been sick for about 4 weeks with my usual all day, around the clock, morning sickness. Although my nausea had stopped ten days before this appointment, I was sure everything was okay. I couldn’t wait to see and hear the baby’s heartbeat. 

When I went in for my first appointment at 10 weeks they did a routine ultrasound. Matt, Abigail, and Adam and I were in the room with the tech, excited to see our new little one on the screen.  Although I did see my baby and the yolk sac, I did not see the heartbeat. The tech kept moving the probe inside of me and looked concerned.  She didn’t make eye contact with me, her eyes were fixed on the screen. Then, she quietly muttered, “There’s no heartbeat. This isn’t a VIABLE pregnancy.” 

After talking with my midwife, we figured out that according to the measurements, and the day my nausea stopped was probably the day my baby died, around 8.5 weeks.  And, since my husband was miraculously home this particular week, we should go ahead with a D&C. 

I sat in the room with my midwife and cried. She reassured me that I could still get pregnant again. There was no medical explanation for one miscarriage, or two, or three. I had carried two other babies to term so my body could do it again.  While her words were comforting to an extent, they didn’t take away the great loss I was feeling. This precious little baby was already deeply loved by me. She already had a place in our family. I knew where I was going to put her carseat in the van, which room would be hers, and, of course, I had an estimate of when her birthday would be, which would have been days away from Abigail’s.

This happened on a Monday.  They couldn’t get me in for surgery until Thursday.  I was devastated.  I had already been carrying around my miscarried baby for 10 days, now another 3.  I laid in bed those days, crying, praying, so sad.  But, looking back, I’m grateful for that time to mourn, to tell God how unfair I thought He was being, to ask Him how many more miscarriages He had planned for me.  I wasn’t even sure that I ever wanted to try to get pregnant again. This emotional roller coaster was too much.

That Thursday morning we went to the hospital. I insisted on having one more ultrasound just to verify that there was no life, which there wasn’t., and proceeded with the surgery.  I went home empty handed and broken hearted.

Webster’s dictionary defines Mercy as kind and compassionate treatment.  As I recovered and continued life in the following weeks, I also began to see God’s mercy shown to me during that time in so many ways. 

First, my husband flies C-17’s and during our 4 years in Washington State, where this miscarriage happened, he was TDY 2-3 weeks, home 2-5 days, then gone 2-3 weeks, over and over again.  We hardly saw him.  How compassionate and kind of God to have Matt home and WITH me at the appointment the day I found out I had lost my Baby.  And, also Matt was able to stay home with me for 2 weeks afterwards.  He hadn’t been home that long in a very long time.

Second, God also met a need I didn’t even know I had.  On that Monday, after the ultrasound, my husband asked me if I wanted him to fly my mom to be with me.  I said no, realizing it would be costly to fly her from Texas to Washington State and knowing I had plenty of church family who could help with childcare during my surgery and afterwards.  I didn’t think I needed my mom with me.  But, thankfully, God knew my needs better than I did.  The day after my surgery, on Friday afternoon, my mom was leaving the grocery store and bumped into a professor that she works with at Texas Lutheran University. They were just doing the customary “Hi, how are you” exchanges, when the professor asked how I was doing.  My mom shared with her about my miscarriage.  Well, this professor had recently miscarried her twins at 7 months gestation and went home to be with her mom and family for several months. She had only recently returned to work and asked my mom why she wasn’t with me. This woman went home that night and bought my mom $700 plane tickets to come see me the next day!  How like My God to arrange that for me. When my mom arrived, I realized I DID need her. She didn’t necessarily DO anything particular or say anything different than what she could have said over the phone. But, just her presence with me, in my home, was exactly what I needed that week following the surgery.  God did not HAVE to bring my mom to see me.  But, He did. 

God also showed me His mercy by surrounding me with an extensive support system through our church family, MOPS group, and church sponsored Military Spouses Small Group.  I received countless cards, flowers, emails, phone calls, meals, hugs, and prayers from loving women. Having a support system like that doesn’t happen at every base, at least it hasn’t for me. God used these women to comfort and love me.

I had read somewhere that it helps to have a special box or place to put all the notes and memorabilia from a loss. I used this purple hat box and have kept it in view ever since so that I remember the baby I lost, but also remember how God showered me with love and mercy through a difficult time.

It took a few weeks for me to want to go back to church. There were at least 5 women who were all due within the same month as I was and I really didn’t want to see them pregnant and showing. 

During our praise and worship time that first morning back at church, we sang a song that now has a strong meaning to me and whenever I hear it I go back to this time of God’s mercy and love poured out to me in my time of need.  It’s called, Came To My Rescue by the group Hillsong. I’d like to read to you some of the lyrics.

My whole life
I place in your hands


God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down


In your presence at your throne



I called you answered


And you came to my rescue

I felt God’s love, compassion, and kindness surround me as I sang these words that morning.  Tears streamed down my cheeks as I recalled all He had provided for in the previous weeks.

You see, He did come to my rescue.  He didn’t rescue me by saving my baby’s life, like I would have liked, but He rescued me by being with me. I was in so much pain from losing my baby and He was there for me. I experienced a side of His character that I had never experienced before, His Mercy and Love during a devastating time.

I don’t know why I miscarried. I’ll never know.  But, so much good has come out of my loss through what I have learned. 

First, I learned that loss is loss.   Whether you lose your baby, a loved one, a job, a dream, a home, a relationship or whatever you can fill that blank in with, loss hurts.  Everyone who experiences a loss goes through the stages of grief, some of which are shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression, acceptance, hope and more.  Everyone goes through these stages in different orders and to varying degrees and amounts of time. 

About one month after I miscarried, I received a phone call from a dear friend of mine who had just moved back to our area.  Two months prior to her calling me she had experienced a tremendous loss of her own when her 3 young daughters were instantly killed in a car accident. She shouldn’t have survived, but she did and so did the woman driving the vehicle.  When I heard her voice, my first thought was “What do I say?”.  I soon realized, there was nothing to say.  What could I say that would soften or take away the pain of her loss. So, I listened.  When I visit her, like I did this past summer I talk about the girls.  Monica, Sarah, and Katie were dear to me. They played with my kids, they ate at my table in my home.  And, when I got off the phone with her that night, I thanked God that I could relate to her pain. I thanked Him that I had a small understanding of grief but most of all an understanding of His compassion and kindness that I knew he was providing for her also. 

And, I realized that there’s no way to compare loss. If I were to compare her loss and my loss,  obviously hers outweighed mine, no question. Yet, we were both hurting.   

Grief looks different for each person. There is no ONE way to grieve. Try not to compare your grief or level of grief with someone else’s.   What helped me was when someone told me that I had permission to grieve however I needed to grieve.  Some days were easier than others. Other days the miscarriage was on my mind all day long. But, over time, it got easier to go through my days without thinking as much about my loss.

The second lesson I learned is that now I can relate to other women who have miscarried. I know what it feels like, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Everytime I hear about someone who has miscarried, especially when it’s someone I know, my mind and heart go back to that time of loss and all that I felt.  It can come back in an instant. Although it’s painful, I’m thankful for it to some degree because I can genuinely be empathetic to someone who is grieving.

The third lesson learned is that I was able to experience God’s love and mercy in real ways during a very difficult time of loss. Matt was home, God brought my mom to me, and I was surrounded my women who loved and cared for me.

Maybe you’re here today and you’ve experienced a miscarriage and can relate to my story in some way.  Look back over that time, if you haven’t already, and see where God took care of you, where He provided for you.  And, thank Him.  He doesn’t leave us here to suffer alone.

Maybe you know someone who has recently miscarried or in the future someone you know miscarries.  I encourage you to do something for her.  Send her a note, an email or flowers. Take her a meal or dessert.  Write down some verses or encouraging words for her to soak in and think about. Make yourself available to be her listening ear. Allow her to grieve in her own way, at her own pace, whatever that looks like for her.

And, please don’t say things like, “This is God’s will” or “God never gives us more than we can handle” or “God works  everything out for good.”  Although there’s truth to those words, they are not helpful or at least they weren’t for me. In the midst of my grief, those types of phrases stung, they didn’t heal. They make God sound mean and as if He was out to get me. Instead, give a big hug, ask her how she’s feeling, tell her you have no words and that you can’t imagine what she’s going through. Make yourself available to spend time with her. Ask if she wants to talk about it and then, be ready to listen. 

If you’re listening to my story tonight and you’re not sure what it means to understand God’s mercy and love, I want you to know that you can understand. It is possible. He wants to have a relationship with you.  You can do that simply by recognizing you are a sinner, that you have done wrong things in your life, then believe that Jesus is God’s Son and that He died on the cross and rose again to forgive sins, and invite him to be the Savior of your life. Then, your relationship with Him begins.  If you would like more information about this or would like to begin your relationship with Jesus Christ, please see me, Patsy, or Rashell at the close of our meeting tonight. We would love to talk with you more about it.

My story does have a happy ending. Exactly one year after my miscarriage, I found out that I was pregnant with Ada and then on the two year anniversary, I was 5 months pregnant with Annalise. Here I am, coming up on our 4 year anniversary and I have 4 healthy children and a true story of how God reached me in his love and mercy during a time when I needed Him most.

Thank you for listening to my story.  

Gibraltar, Italy, Germany

Can you read any of that behind them?  Neither can I. I am thankful for a husband who has done MUCH world traveling and can get us around. These train station tunnels were overwhelming and hard to navigate for me. Thankfully, most Germans speak English and are willing to help. We asked for help more than once.
This was in German and I can't get it in the spot I want below. 

European Travels - Fehrman Family

Since this blog started as a place for me to jot down my Spanish and European adventures, I thought I'd begin by telling you about our trips this past year. Don't worry, I'm sharing in nutshell form. No history lessons (you have google). Just my opinions and view points.

Ready, set, go...

December 2011
Gibraltar, UK

Eating dinner on the Spanish side

Matt and I took the whole family for a one night stay to see The Rock.  We spent the night in a GREAT hotel, AC Marriott, on the Spanish side.

The first afternoon we drove around Gibraltar and played at the beautiful park  near the base of The Rock. We enjoyed hearing our native language, English, and using "pounds" as the currency instead of Euros.

   The next morning we got an early start and headed to The Rock.



I was terrified of the monkeys.  But, we were told that if we kept our bags close and did not entice them, they would leave us alone. Thankfully, "they" were right.

Unfortunately, we did not know that in order to get a full tour, we should have taken the Bus Tour from the base of The Rock instead of the gondola ride up.  We ended up walking FOREVER down the rock to a cave that we couldn't tour, then back up to catch the gondola back down.  Matt even tried to pay some local workes at the Pub near the cave to drive us down. That was a no go. We were all so tired. I had Annalise in the front carrier and Ada switched between walking and Matt's shoulders.

Here's Ada posing by a sign on our way down. We were trying to get to the cave.

Here we are after our hike down where Matt tried to pay someone to drive us down.

Needless to say, we were wiped out!  Then, we waited in the border patrol line for over an hour to get back into Spain!  Ugh. We made it safely home late that afternoon.

Even with our mishaps, Matt and I decided that we would do that trip again. Gibraltar has a unique history and it's so strange how it's in Spain, but owned by the UK.  And, the airstrip is cool to see. They shut down the roads in and out when an airplane is taking off or landing.

Airstrip along the main road into Gibraltar, once you've crossed the border.

Also, from the top of The Rock you can see Spain, Morocco (Africa), the Atlantic Ocean, and the Mediterranean Sea...all from ONE spot!  It felt surreal (as all my trips have felt since this first one) to be standing in a place that I'd only READ about prior to my visit.

That's Morocco in the distance.

Oh, and I nursed Annalise at the top of The Rock.  That was cool too.

Me nursing my baby. Good one of me, isn't it! HA!

March 2012
Venice, Italy

Yes, my husband took me to the romantic city of Venice. And, it was only a hop, skip and a jump from where we live in Spain. It felt that way anyway.  We decided to take Abigail with us to spend some one on one time with her for 4 days.

Adam would have a turn soon...to Germany...you'll read about that later.

We flew out from Sevilla. This city has become my favorite, so far.  I have been there about 5 times now and will continue to go back.

Creepy hotel we stayed at in Sevilla, near the airport the night before our early flight.

Parked back here...here's the gate opening to the creepy hotel.

None of us slept much. Creaks, noises and overall creepiness. The beds must have been 70 years old.

The evening before our early flight into Italy, we walked the streets of Sevilla with Abigail, enjoying the street performers and letting her toss small change Euros in their bowls.

Matt and I had our fill of Starbucks there :)  There are several in a small radius...this reminds us of Washington State!  Matt and I shared sea food paialla, but I only took a couple of bites. I had to eat around the heads and eyeballs of fish I can't even name.  Blech. Matt, ate heartily.  He has a strong stomach! I'm now used to seeing all kinds of fish in markets and in dishes at restaurants. But, at the time, I wasn't so fish savvy.

We flew into Treviso and stayed at a hotel in this interesting city during our whole time in Italy.

Here we are, just got a taxi outside the airport. Abi is so excited to ride in one of the cool little European cars that we see all the time.  Doesn't she look excited!! I like her happy face in this picture.

Abi's little nook at our NICE hotel in Italy.

Tight quarters, but all of Europe is this way. This hotel was clean and fresh and most of all, not creepy!

Hotel Mezzaluna is set in a neighborhood near a bus stop. Each morning we took the bus to the train station and then the train to wherever we were going that day.

Our morning bus stop. Italian transportation is cheap and easy to navigate.

Upon arrival, we all took a nap and then explored Treviso.

We ate at an Italian food restaurant and had GREAT pasta and pizza. I was surprised that there wasn't Ceaser salad (which Matt reminded me was Roman NOT Italian, but I challenged him with the fact that Olive Garden carries that salad and they're "Italian".) And, you don't order a "pepperoni pizza" because it is NOT on the menu anywhere. We tried to describe what we wanted but to no avail. Cheese pizza is what we got and it was delish! Matt tried to order a coffee drink BEFORE our meal arrived but the lady looked displeasingly at him and told him "No, that's for AFTER your meal."  We had no idea that there are certain drinks for certain parts of your meal (we are not cultured, after all).  By the time we ate, he didn't want it anymore.

General observations/comparisons:  At the time of this trip, I had lived in Spain for nearly 7 months and had become accustomed to the Spanish.  I foolishly thought that Spanish and Italian would be so similar that I'd have no problem with basic communication...bathrooms, food items, ordering coffee, etc...  HOWEVER, I quickly learned that Italian is indeed quite a different language (fun story on that later).  Back to my observations...Italians are tall compared to the average Spaniard.  I felt short there. But, here in Spain, I feel tall.  Italians have big hair. Italian service in restaurants, ticket counters, and the like is excellent, fast, and attentive. Spanish service in those same areas...well, not so much like Italy.   People moved out of your way if you were walking past them. This does not happen in Spain. Actually, if someone here in Spain DOES move over on the sidewalk to let me and my crew pass by a little easier, then I KNOW FOR A FACT they are not Spanish.  I digress...back to the trip.

Final observation...these..toilets...everywhere in Italy, even in nice restaurants and the train station.
I know I'm prissy but REALLY, I'm suppose to go on this?

Our second day in Italy, we got an early start and took the train over the water into Venice. Now, don't get me wrong, Venice is...well, Venice.  It was what I expected as far as what I saw. What I didn't expect was for it to be so crowded and smelly.  I felt like I couldn't stop to look in a shop window because I would be trampled by the crowd coming behind me.  There are no cars but the canals are just as loud as a street.  The boats and gondolas bump into each constantly and blare their horns all day long. Oh, and the romantic gondola rides you see in all the pictures...EXPENSIVE!  100 Euro for less than an hour!  Remember, my American friends, the dollar is worth LESS than the Euro, so that's over 100 DOLLARS for the ride.  We did not do it. BUT, looking back, I wish we had. So, spend the money and take the ride. That's my 2 cents.

Train into Venice 

Strolling the Venice streets.

Cannoli everywhere!

"Why, yes. You can have chocolate cannoli, if you share with me," says Mom.

The expensive gondola. Should have done it though.

The masks are everywhere and a very "Venice" thing.

This is really a street.

Water taxi behind us.

Some boat traffic.

The RIGHT kind of coffee :)

I enjoyed all the different types of architecture. It's obvious there have been MANY influences here.

After our day in Venice, we felt like we had seen it all and had no desire to go back. So we checked out the train schedule and asked each other, "Where do you want to go tomorrow?"  Our choices seemed endless, including ROME!  But, we ended up going to a place we'd never heard of, Vicenza.  It was a neat city with a great park and MANY OLD, OLD, OLD statues.

The city we chose to visit on our third day in Italy.

One of the oldest theaters in Italy. We toured it.

Inside the theater. This is the set on stage. I imagined Shakespeare plays being shown here many years ago.

My Muscle Man with a statue that looks much like him.

Me with a statue that reminded us of, well, Me, of course.

And, back to the Italian is NOT similar to Spanish topic.  Matt and I kept trying to order the Italian version of what we have in Spain for coffee, cafe con leche (coffee with steamed milk, I think).  We were having no luck. We got tiny cups with coffee drips in them and other random versions of coffee. All of which were YUCKY.  Finally, Matt decided to try to communicate with the barista and ask for coffee with milk.  He wasn't getting anywhere and looked over at me as I sat in the booth. I looked at him like, "ya, I speak Italian".  Barista Girl already understood "coffee" so I began "moooo-ing" and doing my hands as if I were milking a cow in the air in front of my face.  There you go, international language at it's best, Charades. Matt looked at me as I had grown 2 heads and the girl said, "ah, latte!".  We began ordering American Lattes...the magic 2 words for our coffee preference.

Then, it was back home.  I missed my babies and Adam terribly and was ready to be Mommy again! Matt and I loved spending time with our oldest daughter who had just turned 10.  She's growing into a godly, nurturing, kind young lady.  I love spending time with her. And, spoiling her was the best!!

March 2012
Garmisch, Germany

Adam's turn for one on one time with Mom and Dad.  We thought he'd enjoy the mountains, so off we went to Germany!  We stayed at a great military lodge, Eelweiss Resort, which is near the base of Zugspitze, the tallest mountain in Germany.

Waiting for our first flight out of Sevilla. Making origami ninja stars.

Adam taught me!

Such a nicer airline than ghetto Ryanair...but you get what you pay for.

Beautiful morning of exploring!

The resort felt like a piece of America with American breakfast food, English speakers all around the resort and courteous, friendly staff.  What a wonderful place to stay!!

Very UN-European...HUGE rooms!

Beautiful outdoor grounds of the resort. Zugspitze behind us.

That's our room with the open door, opens up to a pretty lawn that overlooks the hot tub.

Entryway to our room with closets.

GIANT bathroom off the entryway. Such a nice bathroom compared to ours at home. Seems like a small thing, I know.

However, it took ALL stinkin' day to get there. After several taxis, trains, and planes we arrived at 9pm, exhausted.

In standard Fehrman fashion, we got an early start the next day and headed out to explore. We were highly disappointed that most of the snow had already melted on the ground. But, there was plenty of it up in the mountains. So we took a gondola and decided we'd take Adam snow sledding.

Snow ball fight with Dad using hard packed old snow. Still fun!

Cool bridge we stumbled upon while we were out exploring.

So beautiful.

Father and Son

We were quite impressed with these HUGE logs we walked passed!

I was starving! We found this skiing place and got brauts and a hot drink.

Streets of Garmisch.

I was captivated by the beautiful murals on entire faces of houses and buildings. Each one was different and colorful and artistic. It was like walking through a living art museum. 

This reminded me of my MIL's (Colleen's) cuckoo clock she got in Germany
when they were stationed in Germany 26 years ago.

We got these super cool looking sleds that neither of us had ever seen before and took off for the slopes. The only one we found was pretty steep and no one else was using it and it was only for sledders. So, we went for it.

Cool sleds.

The next morning as Matt and I sat on the plane heading home we looked at each other and said, "What were we thinking? We could have killed ourselves on that slope!"  We had a blast though.

Took a couple of runs to figure out how to use the sled. Then, Adam flipped several times and complained of a headache, so we told him to stay at the bottom and watch us come down.  Matt went first and did fine. I followed behind him and was a bit too over confident of my sledding skills.  I wiped out. All I remember is seeing white and the next thing I knew I was far down the slope, without a sled, missing a glove and my sunglasses, which were up the slope a ways.  I am pretty sure I got knocked out for a few seconds.  I decided to go UP and get my stuff that was strewn across the slope.  That was so hard. Sweat was rolling down my back under my layers of clothes and coats.  My head began to ache worse and I started back down.  I kept looking for Matt and Adam on the gondola that was directly next to our slope but never spotted them.  They never saw me either.  Almost an hour later, Matt found me.  A man on the ski slopes had found my sled when he saw me wipe out and watched my sled jump over the sledding slope edge, cross the next ski slope, and then the next, where it was retrieved. We decided our sledding was over. As we took the gondola out of the snow resort area, we noticed several sledders just a short ways away from our Death Trap Slope. A bunny slope for sledders.  Oh well. We're risk takers.  No bunny slopes for us and thankfully, no ER visits either.

Took TWO gondolas to get to Zugsptize ski area. Felt like we were in the middle of nowhere.

Yep, straight down...that's how we roll (literally).

Adam learning to steer his tricky sled at the base of the slope.

Waiting for the gondola. You can't see it in the picture because the sun was shining too brightly, but the mountain is directly behind us. It was majestic to see from this spot as we waited.

German food isn't my favorite, as I found out. But, I did like Goulash Soup and pretzels. But, are pretzels German? I don't know. We went to a restaurant that had dancing little boys all dressed in suspendered german style pants and they did fun dancing near our table.

PRETZEL!  German or not?  You tell me!

My goulash bowl is empty and a bee flew right into the bottom! We were sitting outside, of course. 

Two thumbs up for his hot dogs and fries.

This was the restaurant (on a napkin).

Apple Struesel for dessert. YUMMO!

Dancing boy.

We had a great time with Adam.  I mostly enjoyed being able to say "yes" so much...icecream, treats, playing the Nintendo DS, staying up later than normal...things like that.  We have a great memories of our Germany trip with Adam, our almost 8 year old kindhearted son.

What did we do on our super long day of travel?
Adam yo-yo'd.

Matt played the DS.

I read several books on my Kindle App.

Waiting for our train to leave one of the train stations.
"YES, Adam, you CAN have a treat!"

Can you tell how happy he is to have a chocolate treat after dinner,...well, after his bedtime!

No idea what it is.  But, it was yummy. So sweet compared to Spanish sweet treats.